I was 14 years old when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. This later became bipolar disorder with psychotic features. Then bipolar disorder with psychotic features and anxiety. It was a whole year later when my psychiatrist finally settled on schizoaffective disorder. I’m 19 now and in the 5 years since quite a lot has happened which, at the time, filled diaries and MSN messages but with my new journey ahead of me I’ve decided to upgrade to this online journal. What new journey, I hear you ask. Well, dear reader, my first year of university changed me in many ways; I became more confident, more educated and a little heavier. Only a couple pounds admittedly but as someone who has always been careful with their weight, I was sad to discover this. Initially, I thought I’d just stop eating so many pizzas and that would be enough to get me back to my comfortable 120lbs. But, things took a weird turn a few days ago when my hallucinations started focusing on scolding me about my weight, what I was eating and how little I was exercising so after some consideration I’ve decided to get back down to 100lbs. See, I used to weight just shy of 100lbs but unfortunately, doctors decided this was bad and made me put the weight back on. But won’t that just happen again, I hear you cry. The answer is perhaps but I think it’s a lot less likely this time around as I no longer live with my family and it was they who dobbed me in the first time. As you can imagine this isn’t going to be a very healthy journey so maybe don’t stick around if that sort of thing upsets you but I don’t intend to talk about numbers and calorie counting, that’s what my Tumblr is for (xanthouus.tumblr.com), more about how I’m feeling and what’s going on in my life. Anyway, I think I’ll leave this post here as I can explain other things in other posts and I don’t want to bore you too much too soon.
Watch this space.